Chapter Twelve: Does it mean you have forgiven me? #

The week passed, and it was Friday. Aliya was still struggling with telling her friends that she had a boyfriend. She didn"t know how to begin the conversation. And once the secret was out, everyone would want to meet him. She didn"t know how Alex would feel about that since they had not yet been on a proper date since the breakup. She wanted to settle things between them, and telling her friends would complicate the delicate situation. She was trying to convince herself to wait until the SATs, but she was losing the argument with herself fast.

Melia, who was taunting her in biology to go out with Brian, further complicated the circumstances. This happened since school started, and Aliya was getting fed up. Shireen was trying to help, but she could do only so much without divulging information about her beau. It was Friday, and Aliya was looking forward to the last class. The last class ended, and Melia came running from her literature class.

“There is a hot guy outside waiting for someone. I think it’s for Ashleigh in the junior class. She dates college guys.” Said Melia grabbing Aliya’s arm and walking with her. Melia was talking, and Aliya was trying to feign interest in Ashleigh’s dating history.

“Can you walk faster?” asked Melia. “I want to see him.”

Aliya did as instructed. She was relieved that at least Brian would no longer be the conversation topic. They walked outside and down the stairs and saw the hot guy. Aliya was frozen as it was Alex leaning against his Bugatti. He saw Aliya and started walking towards her. Aliya could not move. As he stepped forward, his open black suit jacket fell back. His hands were in his pocket, and he was wearing shades. He took off his sunglasses, and his hair flickered with each step. After a long while, Aliya saw how hot he looked. At that moment, he felt like her boyfriend, and she felt like his girlfriend. He stepped forward and kissed her on the lips. He pulled his lips away and said, “Hi.”

Aliya finally smiled and pulled her hair back from her face in shyness. She was surprised, and she could not stop smiling. Before she could conjure her words, Shireen spoke.

“Girls, meet Aliya’s boyfriend, Alexander Knight.” And Shireen introduced him to everyone.

They walked to his car, and Aliya was feeling butterflies. She felt relieved that she chose her feelings overall logic and was happy. Her breathing had quickened, and she could not speak. They arrived at her flat, and as she entered, she saw the place filled with flowers.

“I didn"t know your favorite, so I got them all.”

“Pink roses.”

“I did order them.” Said Alex walking around looking for them. “Found them.” He said, picking up the vase and placing it on the dining table.

“They are beautiful. Thank you.” Said Aliya kissing him.

This time he was ready, and he engulfed her in his arms. They were kissing when the bell rang.

“Is there something else?” asked Aliya breaking the kiss.

“No,” said Alex taking a deep breath.

Aliya went to the intercom. “Melia Capůrková is here to see you.”

“Yes, thank you.” Said Aliya.

And the elevator doors opened.

“Hi. What a pleasant surprise?” said Aliya.

“I think it is too early to tell how the events will turn for you. I am afraid I cannot pledge that it will remain pleasant.” Said Melia coming out of the elevator.

“Hi. We haven"t properly been introduced. I am Melia Capůrková.” She said, extending her hand to Alex.

“Hi. I am Alexander Knight. I have heard lovely things about you.” Said Alex shaking her hand.

“Pity I cannot reciprocate the regard.” Said Melia without any expressions.

“How did you get here so fast?” asked Aliya.

“Ben.” Said Melia as if she was stating something self-evident. “I am guessing you have lost your mind, and that is how you forgot to tell me about the events in your life.”

Aliya was thinking of the following sentence.

“Does Aryan know?” asked Melia.

“Yes, but he was bound by brother-sister confidentiality.” Explained Aliya.

Melia took her phone and pressed the speed dial without looking. She was staring at Aliya. She placed the phone to her ear and said, “I know. I am at Aliya’s apartment.”

Aliya could hear Aryan screaming, “Wait, I am coming over.” She disconnected the call.

“Would you like to drink something?” asked Aliya.

“The usual. Thanks.” Said Melia walking towards the couch. “Please have a seat.” Motioned Melia to Alex. “You look awfully familiar. Have we met before?”

“Do you remember Rupert Brooke from the mall?” said Aliya handing her champagne.

“Oh! That’s disappointing. You have been dating since the start of the year, and I get to know now, in September.” Said Melia. “You tell me everything. What plausible reason could you have for not telling me?”

“We broke up. We just got back together.”

And the bell rang. “That must be Aryan.” Said Aliya.

“In my defense, I was bound by brother-sister confidentiality.” Said Aryan to Melia. “Hey, Alex.” Said Aryan shaking his hand.

Aryan poured himself a glass. “How did you come to know?” asked Aryan.

“Alex surprised me at school.” Said Aliya.

“Nice.” Said Aryan taking a sip and looking around. “What did you do now?”

“Nothing wrong. I wanted her to have a good start to her weekend.”

“Who invited you to talk?” Said Melia to Aryan. “I have no interest in you. Aliya, may I talk to you alone on the terrace? Aryan can take over your host duties.”

“Sure.” Said Aliya getting up.

And they left. Aliya started telling her the story.

“Melia is nice. When I met Shireen, she was screaming at her. Melia is calm and polite.” Said Alex to Aryan.

“Melia is not calm. She is decisive. Melia came here with a goal, to get answers. If screaming gets her the answers faster, she will scream till only your bones are left. As per politeness, that is Aliya. Aliya has always been very proper, and Melia is straightforward. They both taught each other. For example, Melia would say I hate you. Aliya would say something like; I regret to announce that I am burdened by this meeting. Melia learnt that insulting someone in formal language has a bigger effect, especially in fashion. And Melia told Aliya to simmer it down. When Aliya writes thank you notes, people think she is sixty years old.”

Alex laughed. “Yes, I read one. Aliya is formal.”

“They are very complex creatures, so they don"t get bored with each other. And their endpoint is the same. Like they are both honest but honest in their way.”

“Do you think Melia likes me?”

“You are off to a good start. She listens to logic, not to emotions. As I told her, it is brother-sister confidentiality. She understood that because it was logical since we were cousins. She would have kicked me and never talked to me if I had told her I was sorry. It goes both ways. I told you it matters that my sister decided to give you another chance. It will not matter to Melia. She hears facts, not emotions. Melia will make up her mind without Aliya’s consideration.” Said Aryan.

Meanwhile, on the terrace, Aliya had told her till tea at Grand Hyatt.

“Wait. You tell me you have forgiven the guy who dumped you for another girl. You have forgiven a guy who didn"t know your value. You have forgiven a guy who didn"t know how to treat you. You have forgiven a guy who cheated on you.” Said Melia.

“Yes. He explained that….”

Melia cut her off. “His explanation doesn"t matter.”

“I know. On the day of the dinner, I decided that I don"t want to regret that if only I had given him another chance.”

“Are you with him because you are scared of being alone?”

“No. I like him. I know I shouldn"t, but I do. I am not convinced yet to let it go.”

“And do you believe he has feelings for you?”

“I do believe he has feelings for me.” She decided to omit the second part of her thought. She also knew that his feelings for her were not as strong as those for him.

“Ok, then what happened?” said Melia.

Aliya continued the story. Meanwhile downstairs.

“Are you nervous?” asked Aryan.

“I don"t want to lose her. She has already taken a huge step backward. And I want us to move forward.”

“Dude, you fucked up. The way she talked about you, I thought she was in love with you. Did you know she had an elaborate plan to tell her parents?”

“Pardon! She was in love with me! Is she not anymore?”

“I don"t know. That was how I felt. She never told me.”

“Aliya has changed. She calls me Alex and not Alexander. She is with me, but sometimes I feel like she is not there, as if she doubts me.” Said Alex tearing up. “I felt she didn"t want to tell Melia because we would break up again.”

“Please don"t cry. I cannot help you there. I can tell you about their relationship. Do you know how Melia and I became friends?” said Aryan trying to distract him.

“No. Tell me.” Said Alex wiping his tears.

“First time Melia and I met, we fought. And we fought, and we fought, and we fought. A year later, Aliya and Melia became friends. Melia and I fought again. Aliya said, ‘You have been fighting for a long time, and no one is winning. This is not efficient. Maybe you two should try to be friends and see who is better. And we became friends.” Today, I don"t even remember why we were fighting."

Aliya and Melia came downstairs.

“Dinner?” Asked Aryan to Melia.

“I am not done with you. You knew she had a boyfriend and didn"t tell me?” Said Melia.

“You liked Mike, and you didn"t tell me?” Said Aryan standing up.

“Truce?” Said Melia extending her hand.

“Truce.” Said Aryan shaking her hand.

“Thai.” Said Melia.

“Yup. Let’s go.” Said Aryan.

“It was a pleasure meeting you. Mr. Knight.” Said Melia extending her hand.

“Please call me Alexander. And the pleasure was all mine.” Said Alex shaking her hand.

Aryan and Melia left.

Aliya sat down. “Were you crying?”

“I am sorry,” said Alex. “How did it go with Melia?”

“It went. That is important. That was the last piece. Alex.”

“Yes.”

Aliya was trying to find the right words. She wanted to tell him that he had broken her heart. But she still has feelings for him. And this time, she knows that logic is against her, and all she has are her feelings. So please don"t break her heart. But she wasn"t even sure what he…

Her thought was interrupted when Alex held her hand and looked at her. At that moment, she wanted to feel her boyfriend and stop thinking. She moved closer and kissed him with all her feelings and passion. She was finally out of her head when they heard a bell.

“Who is it now?” said Aliya with frustration.

“Sorry, it is my phone. My dad.” Said Alex checking his phone.

“I will shower.”

Aliya took the coldest shower and wore a red silk halter top with shorts. She came and sat on the couch. She was ready for round three.

“Your parents invited my parents to the family brunch; now it has become a Saturday night dinner.” Said, Alex. “What do you think?”

That ruined her mood. She took a deep breath.

“How do you want to celebrate your birthday?” asked Aliya, fanning herself.

“With you,” said Alex holding her hand. This was not helping Aliya.

“What do you usually do?”

“Have dinner with my parents and my friends.”

“May I suggest that we ask our parents to come on Oct 25, have a brunch or dinner, and celebrate your birthday? I have SAT coming up. Then I will have midterms and college applications. I want some time to talk to you in between all this. I appreciate everything you are doing to accommodate my crazy schedule. If I lost Saturday, too, we would have no time for each other. I am too tired on Friday and need to study Sunday and prepare for school. Saturday night is all we have.”

“I agree. Calling them right now.” Said Alex taking his phone.

Aliya called her parents, and dinner was successfully moved.

“The flowers are lovely.” Said Aliya touching a pink rose. “Thank you so much.”

Alex smiled. “I think you have thanked me enough.”

“I was so surprised that I couldn"t say anything.” Said Aliya trying to remember the first significant moment in this ‘new" relationship.

Alex laughed. “Don"t worry. Your expressions did the talking for you.”

“Dinner?” asked Aliya, blushing.

“It is in the oven. Aliya, I am here for you. It doesn"t matter if you don"t feel comfortable asking me. I will anticipate your needs, your wants, and your wishes. I am not going anywhere.”

Aliya smiled. “Melia wants to go shopping next Friday after school. Oh, she is planning to throw a Halloween party. A well-deserved break after the midterms, SATs, and applications.”

“Ok. I go to the Harvard Yale game every year. It is in mid-November at Yale. Would you come with me? I can show you the campus at Cambridge.”

“You know my mom went to Harvard, right? I have seen the campus many, many times. Is this a ploy to get me to select MIT?” asked Aliya suspiciously.

“Let me show you around and make you meet some people. Take two days off. I am sure your school will not mind. In the end, it is your decision.” Said Alex with an innocent smile.

“I am not even going to get in. But sure, I would love to go to the game. What sport is it?”

“American football. It is a big rivalry. I am surprised your mom never told you. Where did your dad go to school?”

“UCL in London. He likes London. Where did your parents go to school?”

“Mum graduated from the University of Cambridge. Dad went to the City University of New York, I think. If you ask my dad where he went to school, he would say Wall Street.”

Aliya heard the oven alarm. “I will get the dinner. I am already buzzed, so let’s watch a movie. I will study tomorrow. Whatever you like.”

They watched a movie and were asleep.

The following morning, Alex finished breakfast and left. Aliya was done studying and picked a black lace cocktail dress with an uneven hem. It had a fitted halter top with a T-back that joined flared silhouette skirt. She finished the look with free-flowing hair and high strappy sandals. Alex arrived at seven, and Aliya was waiting in the lobby.

“You look adorable. The dress is perfect for tonight.” Said Alex kissing her.

Aliya smiled, and they were on their way. They arrived at a Café and took a seat.

“For a café, it is a very formal restaurant.” Said Aliya looking around.

“Yes, did you hear back from your parents about my visit?” asked Alex.

“No, and may I request we don"t talk about our families tonight?”

“Sure. Any specific reason?”

Aliya was thinking. “I didn"t use to like poems. Even when I was in Russia, I never read poems. I read history and literature because those were the recommended books. I wanted to learn something. One learns from history and literature. How one dealt with a situation and how decisions were made. Poems, plays, sonnets, operas, and even songs, found them utterly fictional. My English teacher used to say, ‘Aliya read between the lines.” And I never could. I felt cheated. If you need to say something, then say it. Why do I have to read between the lines? I was so bad, Alex, that in sixth grade, I got 69 marks on my midterm out of 100 because my interpretation of the famous poem ‘Water water everywhere" was utterly wrong. It is a long poem, and I don"t remember what my interpretation was, and to be honest, I still don"t know what the poem is about; the albatross and symbolism. Same with Edgar Allen Poe and…"

“Hi. I am …” said the server interrupting Aliya.

Alex further interrupted. “I am sorry I don"t mean to be rude, but we are in the middle of a conversation if we can have the tasting menu and your best bottle of champagne. Thank you.”

The server left.

Aliya continued. “Edgar Allan Poe and his internal struggle never got it. One day years ago, I was walking around in London and saw a bookstore with old books lined on a table, priced at a pound each. I was looking through the books and saw this one book in Russian. It had poems by Anna Akhmatova. I was fascinated that there was a book in Russian between all the English books, so I bought it. I read the poems, and there is this one poem where she is talking about missing a rose. I don"t understand it, but it is a beautiful poem. I have read this poem a hundred times. It is lovely, and I don"t know why. I placed the poem in the aisle where all the other beautiful things were stored in my brain. Can you imagine looking at a flower and feeling something? It is not a unique flower, not like Raphael painted it. Not like I understand that, either. It is one simple rose. And she wrote about it, and I read it and felt it.

Nobody knows that my favourite flower is a pink rose, not like bright pink but peachy pink. I don"t like pink. There is nothing pink in my flat. I don"t own pink dresses, never have. And I always buy Casablanca lilies. They require little upkeep, last for three weeks, and smell amazing. No one knows that I love pink roses. Anyway, coming back to the poem. I read the poem, placed it in my memory, and locked it. Then a few years later, I watched an Italian movie. It is a classic, equivalent to Casablanca. A postman falls for a charming girl out of his league, and a poet feeds him poems to get the girl. In the movie, there is a line where the postman says, ‘Poetry doesn"t belong to those who write it. It belongs to those who need it.” Isn"t that beautiful? Someone wrote a poem to record history or a feeling or memory, but many others use it to relay their feelings. It might not even be the correct interpretation, but it doesn"t matter because it’s the right feeling for them.

This thought mystifies me. I have always liked pink roses, never bought them and never got them. I always get Casablanca lilies, like on my birthday. There are always lilies in my flat. I have a dress with the lily painted on it. It’s one of my favourite dresses. But it is not my favorite flower. Isn"t that mystifying?"

Alex looked perplexed. “I am not sure what I should say here.”

“I don"t think every story should have a point. Some stories are just stories that are meant to be told. They don"t belong to me, but they may belong to you if you need them or really anyone else who needs them. Anyway, I wanted to say that, Alex, I am not good at reading between the lines or understanding the depth of what is said and what is left unsaid. But I am capable of liking things I don"t understand. I want to ask you, are you good at reading between the lines?”

Alex was smiling and disoriented. Her thoughts were jumbled and disparate. “I don"t know, Aliya. Maybe we need to find out together,” answered Alex honestly.

Aliya smiled, and they looked at each other. The server arrived, noting the break in conversation.

“I hope I am not disturbing.” Asked the server.

“No. Thank you so much for earlier. And I apologize for my manner.” Said, Alex.

“Not at all. I am happy that our beautiful restaurant inspired you to talk. My name is John, and here we have your champagne. We will be beginning the courses shortly. Enjoy.” Said the server, and he left.

“You don"t watch romantic movies in English, but you watch them in foreign languages?” asked Alex.

“No. It was playing on the tv in the background. Sometimes quiet is welcomed. Other times, it is lonely. I play tv or music in the background when I feel lonely. What do you do when you feel lonely?”

“I distract myself with work or other people’s life. People are talking all the time. People are talking when walking around the harbor, the market, or the mall. At least in my sample size, I have noticed how much people talk about themselves. They talk about what hurts them, like work, love, family, or what makes them happy, again work, love, family. I have never heard a conversation about life, philosophy, collective future. I do not walk around the University of Washington or politicians, but people, these established people meeting their friends, and their family, are talking about themselves, and it’s the same story. My bad boss, my boring job, not enough money, my unloving demanding family, my failed love, or my new love; they are all the same.”

“Are they all feeling the same? Like about new love, is everyone excited or terrified?”

Alex smiled. “I never noticed. That is why I have you. Else I will miss a lot.”

Aliya smiled. “I do not think achievements, feelings or family, or work makes one unique or at least interesting. It’s the secret. The most interesting part of all the books I had read was when a secret was introduced. What made it unique was how that secret was revealed and who did what with that information. Think of Star Wars. The most intense moment is when Darth Vader says, ‘Luke, I am your father.” There is so much going on in the movie, but the revelation of that secret shadows everything. Everybody has secrets, and their mere classification makes it fascinating."

“I don"t have any secrets.”

“Are you telling me that everybody knows everything about you? We all have secrets. Some are kept from everyone, and some are kept from a few. And I think people even keep secrets from themselves. The biggest lie is the one we tell ourselves. You know you want something, but you are trying to lie to yourself that you don"t, or vice versa. Whatever the reason, it is a secret you are keeping from yourself.” Said Aliya smiling. “Although, not all secrets are bad. I think some secrets should be kept and revealed at the right time. If everybody knew everything about everybody, it would be very boring. The mystery keeps us interested.”

Alex laughed. “I really missed you.”

Aliya smiled. “Tell me the most interesting conversation you have ever heard.”

“Interesting conversations are not done in the open where anyone can eavesdrop.”

Aliya laughed. “Somebody must be telling this story. Mom and I went to six flags in New Jersey a few years ago. We had been riding roller coasters all day. We went to the next roller coaster, and there was a long queue because kids from school were there, fourth and fifth graders. We queued up right behind them. And my mom went, ‘Forty-five-minute wait. Fuck!” She immediately realized that there were kids and rectified, ‘Oops, sorry." And this cute little girl in ponytails in front of me turned and said, ‘No, no. I am right there with you." We burst into laughter."

Alex laughed.

“Aryan gets in trouble all the time. One time, we were kids, and my uncle was scolding him. My uncle asked, ’ What will you do when you grow up?” And Aryan replied with full confidence and sincerity. I will get a cart and sell juice. Juice! Juice!" said Aliya hawking like a vendor. “I think my uncle cried inside.” Said Aliya laughing.

Alex was laughing.

“Aryan and I have so much fun on Christmas. Three years back, we decided to put on a show for the family for Christmas. We celebrate Christmas in London at our house. Aryan got an accordion, and I got a tambourine. We got costumes like we were homeless. We opened the show and played the instruments and sang. Aryan and I were horrible. I was holding a hat because we were begging. The name of the show was ‘the future of Hunts.” We were both grounded. I thought it was great. Arman gave me ten dollars."

Alex was wiping his tears from laughing.

“I think that’s enough for today.” Said Aliya.

“I think you missed your calling. You should be a psychologist. You can lift anybody’s spirits, your talk is very profound, and you are amazingly self-aware.”

“Now that’s a joke. I struggle, Alex. I didn"t understand you when you invited me for tea. I still don"t understand the decision that has been made by me to be here. Shireen says that if you can"t decide right now, it’s not the time to decide. You need to wait for more information. But that is not the case with me. I am constantly debating myself, and one side must win. I find it very dangerous because I can convince myself of anything if discussed well. When making a decision, I am careful not to let anything external influence it. It must be my decision.

In the past few months, I have realized that I am inexperienced. When your dad met me for dinner, he told me that one must look at all scenarios that could have happened and then evaluate the scenario that actually happened. Maybe it was a wrong decision, but it was the best decision/scenario one could think of at that moment. That is profound. How do you make decisions?”

“I want to say intuition. Every decision to me is like an epiphany. When I have to decide and think about it, there will be a moment when I will have the answer, which is the answer for me. It is not revisited. I have made wrong decisions too, many, many wrong decisions, but I knew that is what I had to do in my gut. The moment we arrived at Le Jeune Amour for the first time, I knew I wanted to see you again. The moment that dinner ended, I knew I wanted you to be my girlfriend.” Said Alex smiling.

“If your decisions are made in a moment, that means in a moment you knew you wanted to date Veronica?”

Alex’s smile had vanished, and he felt fear course through his body. He was thinking about how to answer it honestly and not hurt Aliya. He was still thinking and realized he hadn"t said anything. At this point, there was nothing else he could say but answer truthfully, “Yes.”

“And in the same moment, you knew you wanted to give up our relationship to date her?”

Alex took a deep breath and said, “Yes.”

“Following the same pattern, you can see a girl now and have a moment where you would want to give up our relationship with me to date her. Correct?”

“No. Because I know I want you.”

“But you just told me you wanted me to be your girlfriend after the first dinner. How is this time different? How are you sure that you will not have a moment where you want to date someone else?”

Alex was thinking, and Aliya was patiently waiting for his answer.

Aliya smiled and spoke. “Since the dawn of time or literature, humans have been learning to distinguish right from wrong. Every civilization, religion, society, government, or community begins with rules about right and wrong. We wait for a baby’s first words. But a mother’s first lesson to her child is always the difference between right and wrong. A child’s most-used word is mom, and I think a mom’s most-used word is ‘no.” Of course, this is my assumption. But today, five thousand years of civilization later, we are still debating what is right and wrong. Many scholars have introduced complex ideas such as ethics, morals, values, principles, and laws to help with this debate. But the debate is still ongoing. Do you know about the ideas?"

“No.”

“Ethics are rules given by society, culture, and so on. Morals are what the person actually does or will do based on his principles. Values are internal and specific to that person. A person once described; an ethical man will know not to cheat on his wife, and a moral person will not cheat on his wife; the value is that one should not cheat on his wife. We think this should solve our dilemma, and we should always know what is right or wrong. But this gets complicated by the introduction of why? It’s not enough that something is right. We must know why it is right. This ‘why” should help us, but it doesn"t. Because people have different why, they have different tolerance and different justifications. This brings in moral relativism. And as a physicist, you must find this contradictory as you believe in the universality that science can discover and explain everything. Some people think relativism is literal like you are on a number line, with one person at -1 and another at 1. But I think of why. I see it as two people with the same x and y coordinates. But they are part of two different curves intersecting at that x,y coordinate because they are different. If x is tolerance, action, your stand, or actual moral, then the y coordinate is the why.

I can only decide in a moment with materialistic things. Like the ring, I saw it and knew I wanted it. I can"t do that with people and life because the stakes are high. A wrong decision will change the course of my life. I worry about misjudging someone clear of heart. An evil person will be recognized, and it is just a question of the amount of damage. But if I misjudged someone nice, I just lost them for life. That scares me. The false negative is expensive, but the false positive is unacceptable.

I am not suggesting that you change or even question how you make decisions. I find it fascinating that you know what you want to do. It is amazing. But I want to ensure you are aware of the uncertainty and risk in decision-making. Not in your decision-making but really in all decision-making. And I also don"t want you to worry that you can"t answer the last question right now. I understand that the moment you know I am the one hasn"t happened yet. Ideally, I can argue that you will never know how you will feel when someone external comes into your life. But I do trust you to be moral and not just ethical. I trust you to be honest and forthright. That is a mistake you can quickly correct. I believe that people do eventually get to a point where they know. I am a romantic. But this time, if you have a moment, please let me know immediately and not cheat.

I will understand, and I will not get mad. I have had friendships that didn"t work out. People have made mistakes, and they lost me. I have made mistakes, and I lost them. I think that is why dating was created, to find out about each other and see if it works. But if it doesn"t work, I would like to know why it didn"t work. If I made a mistake or if it is just not a good fit. It helps with coping. I like you. I liked you at our first dinner and when you declared to Shireen that I was your girlfriend. I liked you with each step, moment, meeting, and dinner. Just knowing that you did not want us to be together was painful. It left unanswered questions of why until Shireen told me you had met someone else. The anger came out, and my tv suffered my wrath, but at least I knew the reason. I can"t expect all my relationships to last, and they will not. But I would at least like to know the reason to avoid repeating the mistake. Otherwise, it all would be for nothing. I do not want that one day I see you in a café, and I have to change directions to avoid you. I would like to sit with you, ask you how you are, have a pleasant coffee, and wish you luck in your future endeavors. I would want the same from you."

“This is a sad conversation. You are talking about us breaking up again.”

“Yes, because it was very unpleasant for me. I want to protect myself and not go through that again. It is fair to walk out when things are not working out but don"t spoil the good memories. We cannot move forward if I feel fear instead of all the other feelings, food feelings I should feel.”

“Okay. I understand.”

“This time, I really wish that our parents and friends didn"t know about us. I don"t want external factors to define the pace of our relationship or any facet of our relationship. We move forward when we decide we move forward, and if we don"t know yet, it’s ok. Yes?”

“Yes. Does it mean you have forgiven me?”

“I will never forgive you. All you had to do was call me and tell me you had met someone else. I cannot understand why you didn"t do that. But I want to forget that it ever happened. Time is a great healer. I made a mistake with Melia. I have no reason for hiding this from her. I was afraid, but that was not a good reason. She will not forgive me, but I can make her forget that. Our relationship is worth more than that. My mom has already forgotten, and my dad will forget in a few months.”

“How can you move forward if you can"t forgive me?”

“With caution. You were right; I am young. I felt like, oh, I met this incredible amazing guy by chance and … well, anyway, unbeknownst to myself, I had built expectations. I don"t want to scare you right now, but I thought of things that sound silly.” Said Aliya laughing. “I don"t want to pressure or force you to do something. I felt like I forced you to be exclusive last time. Are we exclusive now?”

Alex was in tears. “That is not fair. If I broke your expectations, instead of blaming me for breaking them, you are blaming yourself for having them in the first place. And now you are telling me that it is ok that you will not have them again. In fact, your entire conversation is about getting ready to break up.”

“Alex, please don"t cry. I did not mean to hurt you. I am trying to talk. I wish I were better at this. I wish I had a plan or preset of questions I wanted to ask. But I am asking as I go along. I am sorry it is hurting you. We can talk about something else.”

“No,” said Alex wiping his tears. “You have every right to ask. I want to be exclusive. We are exclusive. This is immensely depressing. I guess I deserve that. Alright, I did this. I will fix this. You are important to me. I want to spend my birthday with you, Christmas, New Year, Valentine’s Day, and other essential or non-important events. And it is depressing that you don"t feel secure enough to tell me your old expectations or ask me anything. You couldn"t even ask me to meet your friends. I also want to ask you something. Were you in love with me?”

Aliya smiled. “How does that matter now? No matter how I answer that question, you will be hurt. I want to ask a few more things, but I don"t want you to cry.”

Alex sighed. “I will try. Ask me what you want to know.”

“Do you prefer blonde and tall girls?”

“Oh no, that is a horrible question.” Said Alex holding his head. “Aliya.” Said Alex holding her hand. “Please believe me when I say this. The moment I looked up from the table at the food court, I could not believe that a very beautiful girl was standing before me. I don"t know how I can make you believe it. I like you a lot. I just really messed up.”

“But you did mess up because she was really beautiful. Correct?”

“Yes, but she said something to you. We had sex day in and day out, and I wonder if he was thinking about you then. She was wrong. The sex was horrible, and I was thinking about you.”

“Excuse me,” asked Aliya, surprised.

“We had sex on our first date. It’s spontaneous, passionate, losing control cannot think of anything crazy. I even forgot to use protection. I mean, it was right there in the end table.”

Aliya laughed.

“The sex was never passionate with her. She initiated sex all the time. We never talked. Talking builds connection, especially for me, who cannot talk. You made me feel so comfortable. I always never experienced a physical relationship as strong as with you. Even my first time. It was with my first girlfriend, and I did everything right. We had been on five dates. We were attracted to each other. I booked a romantic lodge in Vermont for the weekend. There were flowers, champagne, dinner, candles, everything was perfect, except for sex. It was awkward, very awkward. It was not natural or passionate. It was like following a workflow. I thought that it was because it was the first time. But it did not get better. The first relationship is supposed to be a passionate one that one never forgets. And it has more or less been the same experience. I had accepted that this was sex and that this was it for me until I met you. You are like nothing that I have ever experienced in my life. I had these bursts of feelings of looking at you in the rain, just looking at you. You make me feel nervous and calm at the same time. You are formal. You even sit straight, and it makes me nervous. But when you smile, my heart stops. This calm comes over me. You suddenly changed topics, expressions, and even your body language. I feel conflicted. I want to sit and listen to you all night, but the other part wants to take you home. Everything with you is so powerful that I have difficulty breathing, even during sex. After our sex, I need a minute to breathe.

I am not the most good-looking guy. Neal, Magellan, whatever his name is, is very handsome. Even Ben is good-looking. You have a better option than me right in your home. I feel all of this for you. I am not good at talking. I don"t know how to tell you how much I want you.”

“I am sorry. Are you jealous of Ben?”

“Yes! He looks like he does. He is as old as me. He fights and carries a gun. He is with you all the time.”

Aliya laughed. “That is hilarious. Ben is my guardian. He is like my father, mother, brother, sister, and friend combined into one person. Don"t be jealous of Ben.”

Alex smiled. “Tell me what I can do. I have my plan, but if there is anything I can do for you, anything you expect me to do.”

“Nothing for now. I wanted to clear up a few things. Our next dates should not make you cry.”

“Aliya, do you still have my ring?”

“Yes. It is in the safe. I was wearing it when I punched the tv, and blood was everywhere. Then we flew to London. Ben put it in the safe. Do you want it back?”

“No. I wanted to ask you to wear it again, but after this story, never mind. You no longer call me Alexander.”

“It was difficult for me to say, I hate you, Alexander. So I shortened it. Give it time, and let’s never come back to this café. Let’s go home.”

They left and were asleep. Aliya woke up the next day, and Alex was already up.

“What is wrong?” asked Aliya rubbing her eyes.

Alex motioned her to sit next to him so she could look at his laptop. He was reading the poem ‘Summer Garden." She placed her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

“I am meeting Melia for shopping. Would you like to go out with me for dinner?” asked Aliya, not lifting her head.

“Yes. Of course. This is in addition to our Saturday date, right?”

“Yes. I want to pick a restaurant that is not fancy. No gowns, no suits. We will go in my car.”

“Okay. I look forward to it.”

“Do you like the poem?”

“I do not understand it.”

Aliya laughed. She laughed harder than she should. She laughed as she got up and made herself some tea.

“Alexei, you are so cute.” She said, sitting down next to him with her tea. “Why are you up so early?”

“I couldn"t sleep. I emailed my counselor at MIT and Harvard to arrange some meetings for you. I also prepared some questions that you should prepare to answer. I took some notes about both universities so you can talk about them. I prepared a list of documents you should have in your folder when you meet them.”

“Did you sleep at all?”

“No. I wanted to do something positive for you.”

“You have done so much. In one week, you got my parents off my back. Things are good with my friends, and I have my answers. Relax and sleep. Do you want to go to your house?”

“No, then I would never sleep.”

“Okay. I will shower and study. I got a new bottle of cognac. You must try some, and then you will sleep like a baby.” Said Aliya getting up. She went and got the new bottle of Louis XIII. She poured him a glass. “Here. Enjoy.”